I still love you, Paraguay. It's just harder some days...

I know this is a passing moment. I will soon feel foolish for having complained about everything, I'm sure, but regardless...I must vent. Yesterday I think I was sicker than I have ever been in years. Or I could rephrase that, in Paraguay I've gotten sick every few weeks it seems, last time I had a really high fever and had gotten a shot in my hand, a very unpleasant experience. Another time, it was a shorter lived sickness but the pain in my stomach was unbearable. This time, it was a mix of everything and lots of vomiting. I know, you guys don't want to hear about that. But I woke up today, more than twenty four hours after I had first been sick, and I felt better, for the most part.

It already felt hot in the house and all I wanted to do was shower. But guess what? There is no water. I don’t really have any food in the house because I had been out of town, and I don’t feel quite strong enough to go all the way to the store to load up on food, especially with no shower and I’m pretty sure my hair got in the way while I was sick yesterday. Meanwhile, I’m fighting with my boyfriend over I don’t know what because I’m just so emotional, I’m hot, I want to eat, I don’t feel comfortable enough with anyone else to ask favors and he’s being all dramatic like he’s exhausted. (He did help take care of me yesterday, but I’m not in the mood for whiney boys on top of this).

As I was fighting with him and being equally dramatic, I decided it was time to go home. Not really, but I decided to say that, anyway. Then I thought, “Maybe it is.” I thought about how sick I am of being sick in Paraguay all the time! I was never sick like this in the states, and it’s hard enough being sick living alone, and in a foreign country. I thought about how I didn’t want to endure the heat of this upcoming summer, how I was tired of my bosses who are supposed to be supportive and encouraging, acting as though I’m doing something wrong and overlooking anything I have accomplished. I’m tired of the community gossiping about anything and being put in awkward positions with my supposed community contact who is supposed to help and support me- but who doesn’t even work with kids and just wants to use me to see her boyfriend, and I don’t support that because she’s married. I think she realizes I don’t want to help her, so she wants to say bad things about me. In a different world, this would not matter. In this world, it does.

I’m sick of all that! Every single one of my moves is scrutinized and people like to talk about you just to talk about something because they literally have nothing better to do! I’m tired of this, and very tired of what’s “improper” because I am a women. Example: The other day I saw one of my friends pass by and I yelled his name to get his attention. My boyfriend turned to me, “Natalie you can’t do that!” “What?!” I said, “I can’t yell at my friend? Why? Because I’m a woman?!” And he said, “I didn’t make up these rules, I’m just telling you those are the type of the things that community will talk about.”
I then started lecturing him and saying okay, I can understand some of those rules, but I’m not in agreement that I can’t yell at a friend to (I just yelled his name) to get his attention, that the rule did not make any sense. You see, I understand cultural sensitivity, but when do I have to compromise my entire self?! I feel like I’m losing parts of my being...

But then I thought of the reality. It is my dream to be here. This is what I wanted. I just had no idea how hard it was! Especially as a woman! I’ve changed so much and am so careful with things to appease the community, but regardless, the community will gossip because that’s what they do. Even in the city.

I once tried to explain to my boss how difficult things were for me at one point. I didn’t want to leave my house, I felt so depressed, I could not get used to the stares! And the cat calls!
I wanted to disappear. It’s funny, after seven months of living in this city, they still haven’t toned down. I just have a bike now so I don’t have to deal with it for as long. Anyway, I was explaining how it was a really hard time for me (and I didn’t even tell her about how many secret admirer texts I had gotten from men claiming they were in love with me, and I had no idea who they were), and she said, “No, it all depends on how you carry yourself.” Let me say, that is complete bullshit. I have no kinder way of saying that. If by walking down the street alone to get groceries, I am “asking” for attention...I won’ t even get started on how mad that phrase made me.

So, as I was thinking, I could just go home. I could lay on a comfortable mattress when I’m sick, or maybe I won’t be sick all the time! I could go home and not wake up sweating or get away from people who just want to take advantage of me, bosses who seem to discourage me and the like, but I remembered the note that my kids wrote on the wall of my house next to my front door, “Natalia, where have you been?” Somehow, when I left for Thanksgiving, my partner informed my class, and they must have come later because they didn’t get the message, so they came to my house. Then there was yesterday, when I was sick. I was lying in bed when I heard a loud knock at the door. It was my students, again. Juan had gone to the library to tell them there was no class today, but again, these kids showed up late and didn’t get the message.


I want to stay for the kids.
And the rainstorms, and the tereré, and the simple things.

But mostly, the kids.

As if on cue, I heard a loud noise that wouldn’t cease, I thought it was a crazy trailer dragging something down the street and I wanted to be annoyed and then I peered outside...rain!!! I had no idea since I hadn’t been outside in two days and suddenly, everything felt okay. The air is cooler, the intoxicating smell of rain is filling the air and the tranquilidad that only a rain storm could bring to the day. Especially in a moment like this. Everything will be okay.

Another day...

Today I had the freaking cutest little girl in my lap. I went to the plaza to buy a new chip for my cell phone so I could be able to afford all my text messages with my community since the majority are with a different phone company, and a little girl was staring at me with wide eyes and she said something in Guarani to her father. He turned to me and said, "She wants you to always stay here." I couldn't help but grab her and put her in my lap and when I asked her what her name was in Spanish, she answered that she was three years old. I asked again in Guarani and she told me her name. She took on to calling me Talia and kept insisting that I had gum in my purse. I was there for less than half an hour but felt so sad to leave that little girl.


Today was a sunny day, and although it wasn't that cool during that day, everyone was bundled up. Paraguayans are worse than Texans when it comes to the cold, I love how everyone seems overly dressed with layers on a cool day, but the majority also drive motos and have to face the breeze.


There's also another thing that everyone does here that may seem strange, but I've taken on the habit, as well. Everyone always has their windows and doors open during the day, no matter the weather. If I have my shutters closed, my house is so dark, so I'd rather have them open and be dressed in layers than be in my dark house. Everyone sits outside and is very community oriented, hence the nature of gossip. However, I'm a huge fan of people watching, so I'm all for sitting in front of my house or staring out the window. I don't have a functioning tv or internet right now...so it's my form of entertainment, at times.


I also love going to the soccer field and watching everyone practice, and yes, I bought my very own soccer ball. The day after I made the big purchase, I rounded up the neighborhood and a huge group of us went to the field and played with an American football left by the previous volunteer and the kids kicked around the soccer ball (which I want to refer to as futbol) before the practice with the older kids started. Earlier that week I had gone to visit the family I had previously stayed with and was sitting outside with two of the kids doing nothing and decided we needed to play some kind of game. We went on a hunt for some kind of bat and ball. At first we were playing with a pipe and lemons we kept picking from a nearby tree. It was the greatest thing ever. I imagined that it was equivalent to a Paraguayan version of playing baseball in the street back in the day in New York City. I cut up my feet on the uneven cobble stone streets trying to catch the lemon, and then I busted the lemon with the pipe as a car drove by. Pulp went everywhere and the aroma of citrus was in the air. Afterwards, Milner, the nine year old I was playing with, successfully found a real bat and then crafted a ball out of his soccer socks. Milner, his 19 year old sister, Paola, and I took off for the field and took turns pitching and batting to one another. This was all very entertaining to the onlookers that were there playing futbol.

I love that family. One day I went to go visit them and I didn't leave until 6 hours later. A lot of my visits are like that...every time I tried to say goodbye, they would bring me something else. "Here, Naty, we're cooking, stay." Meat was brought to me, then beer, how could I leave?


The other day I went to a festival of San Juan. The tradition is to climb up the long pole and get whatever is tied to the top. I was very entertained watching the different methods of trying to reach the top. One person was standing on the chair at the bottom, another was on his shoulders and he was holding up a large reed trying to poke at the prizes on top while holding on the pole. Finally, a little boy with a rope was able to climb his way to the top while holding on, and knocked down the bottle of liquor, and next two bags of candy. I can't remember what else was up there...I want to say meat, which sounds crazy, but ikatu. Puede ser. Maybe.


Today I had two girls come over who will hopefully help me with my English class! I can only have ten to fifteen in the class, so now I need to figure how to advertise for this...the problem is, 50 people will act interested, and then the numbers dwindle every week. I may just base it on first come first serve and see what happens. I have a lot of young adults who are interested in advanced classes, but I'm only focusing on basics right now because that's what I have material for, and it's not really my goal...I'm helping several people on the side with advanced English. Today my friend came over and we dissected Queen lyrics. I was trying to explain the difference of wanting to break free, and wanting to be free. Ha. It was lovely. I did the motions and explained that breaking free just seems a little more dramatic as if you are really caged in, and then she realized the song was about a relationship.



My kitten was missing for almost two weeks, and each time I approached someone, they seemed so puzzled why I was looking for a cat. "There are plenty of cats on the street, we'll find you a really pretty one." I explained that I just wanted my cat. People thought I was crazy. Did I bring her from the states? Was she pure bred? No, I explained, she was from the street in my training site and she was going to hit by a car. Regardless, I decided to make flyers and post them in a few places, and guess what? My neighbor called while I was in Asuncion and I got my kitten back to everybody's surprise. They day she went missing was awful. I came back after being away in the countryside for a meeting with other volunteers in my region, and I started looking frantically outside. A few minutes later I noticed other people looking outside, too. Apparently she had been in the neighbor's yard who had recently passed away, so everyone that was there for the burial was now helping me. I felt awful, but everyone was happy to help. I apologized for disturbing them and continued going to every single house nearby. It's kind of like she went away to summer camp because now she is a lot more affectionate and calmer. Apparently a little boy had taken her home that day. I never did get that story straight and I still owe my neighbors thank you brownies. Yes, I just wrote an entire paragraph about my cat.


There is so much more to say but I wrote this a few days ago...today I really miss everyone a lot.

Paraguay, Paraguay. My 24/7 catwalk, you know.

I felt like I always wanted to write when I traveled before, and there was always time…but it was a completely different class of journey. Lately, I haven’t had a lot of self reflection time. I live here, I’m in one place, I’m allowed to buy more clothes or items and I don’t have to worry about lugging them around in a huge back pack! That’s something new…I threw out my previous ideas of only surviving with a few shirts because I don’t live in the campo (country). I live in a city and I would probably be shunned if I only had three shirts. These people are all about style. Have I mentioned the style before? It’s just like the 80’s…tight jeans, sparkly everything, and anything but simple. I’ve decided I’m going to introduce the paint splatter look to Paraguay and see if it takes off.


I miraculously found shoes that fit! My feet are bigger than the men’s feet which shouldn’t surprise me, I guess. I also found jeans and a coat! These were huge accomplishments. All the coats here are worn like belly shirts and if you happen to be tall and not built with an impossibly small frame, it’s quite an achievement to find a coat. I forced myself to go into the busy market in Asuncion and deal with the bombarding vendors…it was worth it. The market is crazy, but you can find everything there and it’s all super cheap. I’m fortunate enough to live in a town with a market, as well, but Asuncion has everything for a lower price. It’s a bit reminiscent of New York city’s china town, minus the creepy basements.


I’ve neglected to paint a picture for you all. I feel awful about this. Why haven’t I documented my thoughts and images as I’ve experienced or seen them? They were so overwhelming at first, but as I adjusted, I became more accustomed…and now what was so astounding at first is what I may see on the daily. I’m not saying these things are less charming, but some things I’ve almost forgotten how foreign or strange they would be if I had a visitor from the states. I don’t live in the campo, so I have a lot more luxuries. For example, I have a huge super market in my town and I can even buy mozzarella! I’ve made vegetarian pizza twice, and yes, I did take pictures. I’m one of those people…but the food looked so pretty. You must understand what a delicacy this was. The first time it was exciting and depressing at the same time because I wanted to share the meal with someone, but there was nobody. This has been the tough part. The culture. Ay. I have mostly guy friends, but if one came over for dinner? Right now, that‘s not a good idea…it’s going to happen at some point, but I feel like my host mom already thinks I’m horrible for having guy friends. She’s a bit older. My female friends all have families, so I’d have to make a huge dinner and bring it to their house. I will do that in the future, but I’m afraid everyone would freak out at the large quantity of vegetables I cook with. The four food groups here consist of: salt, red meat, lots of fat, and cheese. And more salt. And carbohydrates. That’s more than four, but you get what I’m saying…Grease broth is a specialty.


I made brownies and gave them all away so I wouldn’t eat the entire pan myself, and everyone was so impressed. “You know how to make cake?!” I explained it was from a box, but regardless, everyone still thought it was such a talent. I think people have some misconception that we all have servants in the states. The first time I swept my room in my training site, everyone almost died.


Right now I still don’t have “work” besides trying to build community contacts. I do feel a bit crazy, but I know everything will come together just like it did in Americorps. I have faith in that. Everyone (other volunteers who have been here for a while) tells me not to compare myself or my projects with others because everyone’s sites are completely different, along with their projects. This is true. It’s just hard when I already have people in my sector with busy schedules and I still don’t have anything…but it will come in time. Paso a paso…


There are a lot of good people here that take care of me. For example, the other day my friend (another volunteer) came and stayed the night with me and we were walking to the terminal. I decided to walk with her just because as rubias (blondes), it can be quite rough. As we were walking a car pulled over and shouted, “Natalia!” It was a friend of my sister’s boyfriend and he gave us a ride to the terminal. Que suerte! The night before we had gone to a huge festival my town celebrates annually, and I was waiting outside of the dance for my friend. There were so many people and the minute I’m left alone, a million creepsters approach me…I’ve learned how to be really rude to try to get my point across for men to leave me alone, but I saw a familiar face, a really nice boy I met at a few of the outdoor music shows I’d been to. I told him I was tired and wanted something to eat, and immediately he got me a chair and we waited by his friend’s bbq pit for some meat that was grilling. I could go on with stories like this.


My three year old Paraguayan niece didn’t utter a word to me for an entire month. It drove me crazy. Kids usually love me and this cute little girl ignored me until I decided one day to approach her again. I started counting out loud incorrectly, and then we became best friends. She wants to follow me every where and yesterday she buried me under a mountain of stuffed animals, and then she would point to everything and ask me how to say it in English. I had shown her flash cards with shapes on them a few days before, and I cannot tell you how proud I was when I heard her say, “Circle!!!” I was cooking in my house and she was on the floor with the stack of cards and proudly held up the right card to me. It reminded me of when I was in Spain and three year old Pablo would sit in his stubborn five year old brother’s class, and in the cutest voice he proclaimed, “BLUE!” Oh, those are the sweetest moments.


Yesterday, Heidy (my three year old Paraguay niece) was standing on her chair at the dinner table and singing about an elephant while doing wild hand motions and I thought, “How lucky! I hope she never changes…” Children are so beautiful and inhibition free, but I feel like it’s something that’s been robbed of kids here. I feel like the dictatorship really scarred a lot of people and have even stifled the youth to a degree…I don’t expect to change the world, but if I can reach any of the kids or show them that other opportunities exist, that they have the power to do what they dream, I’ll be happy. I don’t think that’s impossible.
I met a Canadian here who is from German descent and lives on a German colony and he told me, “I don’t want to offend you, but don’t expect to change anything…”
That really got me. He had no idea how much that irked me. If we all thought things were impossible, that dreams are only meant to be dreams, what kind of life is that? I don’t expect to change a culture or society, I’m not here to impose my beliefs on anyone, but I do have a dream that I can empower the people…even if it’s one person. I’m not going to let cynicism bring me down. I know I will get worn down and frustrated, but how long did it take for women to get rights in the US? What if they thought there was never a reason to fight or continue? What if we were all submissive and accepted all realities as something inevitable? To each his own. I think it all starts with a seed.


I will be brave and I will try my best. That’s what I can do. I won’t bury my dreams.


I explained to table full of people that I wasn’t here to teach English, that it wasn’t my goal, but it is a part of my culture and I will share that skill, but I was primarily here to serve the people. Dinners can be rough. It was my sister’s boyfriend’s birthday, but everyone was focused on me. He gave me the better chair and everyone wanted to talk to me about the Peace Corps. I understand the curiosity, but I always feel bad when all the attention is on me, and the pressure is pretty rough at times. I just want to eat without everyone being obsessed with if I have eaten that type of food before…it feels like everyone’s personal goal is to get me to eat more red meat but I’m determined to not sacrifice my entire health to appease others. In a culture where everyone is obsessed with talking about one’s weight, how do they expect me to conform in every way? My perspective is that I value diversity, and if a foreigner ate differently, I would respect that. However, nobody was raised amongst diversity here, so it’s not quite viewed in the same way.


Everyone seems to be astounded by my Spanish. I still don’t understand that because I obviously lack a lot, but I explained that I started learning when I was fourteen. I told the story of falling in love with a Selena CD of my dad’s and how I poured over the lyrics. I became obsessed with Spanish when I finally had the opportunity to take a class. I told a group of girls this at my friend’s wedding party, and later my friend shouted to me, “Natalia, this song is for you!” I thought I would really have to focus on the lyrics and then the song started…Como la flor by Selena!!! I was so happy and I danced with all the other ladies and sang along with all the words. Everyone laughed and said, “Natalia, you really know how to have fun!” That was a good night.


The people always describe me here as open and fun, and they endlessly tease me because of this. We’ve got a good rapport. I would say they mostly love when I try to speak Guarani, eat meat, drink and dance. I’ve often been mistaken for Brazilian or German, and when I explain that I’m from the states, everyone acts as though I’m royalty. This is sometimes very frustrating. I once shouted, “ My nationality and my appearance are not worth anything!” I know it’s seen as a novelty, and it’s odd to be on the other side, but I just want people to see me for me sometimes.


My Spanish is always improving, I’m thankful for that, but still, I feel so stifled at times! I want to shout, I want to say exactly what I mean, I want to be understood and be able to dance on the streets without a huge negative connotation. I think I just have to deal with the judgment.

Rainy Days here...

Rainy days in Paraguay are different from other rainy days, yet they still remind of days in England. Everything, from businesses to schools, gets rained out. I'm feeling nostalgic at the moment. Maybe it's the caffeine rush from my instant coffee, which is what they have here because sadly, this is not a coffee producing country. I always said I wouldn't drink coffee until I was in South America, so here I am buzzing from my instant caffeine and watching people pass by my window in the rain. My kitten insists on sitting in my lap and always claws her way up my jeans. Yes, I already have a pet. That wasn't planned, but I couldn't abandon her. It's complicated quite a few things for me, but it's nice to not live entirely alone. She's great entertainment when she's running around with my bra in her mouth...but she also wants to play with everything so I've allowed my huge backpack to be her playground.


I was just thinking about the times I spent in England with two of my great friends, Christina and Ryan, and how we would marvel over life and talk about our dreams together, most likely while drinking wine and listening to Jackson Browne. I thought about them and how grateful I was for those moments, and it struck me. They are living their dream, and I'm living mine. This is it! I got so excited thinking about this and I felt inspired to do many things.


Right now, I'm in my site. I've been here for two weeks now. Some days have seemed long, I don't know many people yet, the weather has been bad the past few days and I've had this cold for over a week. I had a fever to start with and everyone took care of me by bringing mystery remedies and demanding from my window that I rest. Now my cold has just left me unable to hear and unmotivated to wander about town to have everyone stare at me, but now I'm ready for that. I've learned to embrace the awkwardness. Or, at least I remind myself of that. When the silences come, don't feel awkward with them, just relax. That's what I tell myself.


I've neglected writing because I don't know where to begin. So many things seem "normal" now that I forget what is what. For example, it's not uncommon to have to wait for cows to cross the road or for chickens to be just roaming about as if they belong to everyone's yard. I am in a more urban area now so it's not as evident here, but I’m sure a few neighborhoods over, the story remains the same. Also, yes, I have internet in my place and the handbooks that told us to not bring computers were outdated. Luckily I brought a baby computer, which my girl Cindy Frank suggested I do.


We have cell phones and I'm able to talk to fellow volunteers for free and I can even text the US. That's been quite the lifeline.


But down to the most important thing...what are my plans? Everyone, from strangers I meet in the town to my mom, ask me this question. Each time, David Bowie and Queen's “Under Pressure” plays in my head and I answer that I have ideas, but I don't know what will happen. I'm sure that answer is too vague to satisfy anyone, especially the curious people of Caguazuu who are anxious to see what I will do. The thing is, each project/placement/site is unique. In my situation, I am a follow up volunteer. Today is the previous volunteer’s last day, and I've grown quite fond of her and am sad to see her leave, but I'm happy for her to return to the US and to continue what she started. While she was here, she got a grant and helped raise funds to build a building that is open for me to use for the youth. She did many other great things, too, but this is where I'll start. I'm free to do what I choose, but I basically have to create what I want to do, similar to what I did in Americorps. Also, if I want my projects to be sustainable and continue on after my two years here, I need to find contacts who are interested In helping me, and hopefully they will carry on what I’ve started. Sustainability. Knowledge transfer. I have no schedule or kids waiting for me, these are things that will happen when I make them happen.


My dream? To work with a girls group and do many different charlas (discussions) with self esteem and other things along those lines. I would also love to have a youth group to do art projects in the community. Murals, mosaics, anything of that nature. I also want to get these kids interested in reading, or at least present the opportunity to them, because there is a real lack of reading here in Paraguay. There are books in Asuncion…but if anyone wants to help with that project, I’ve posted my new address, and any books in Spanish would be amazing. I just feel like it’s such a tragedy to be deprived from such an art that has the power to open up minds to different ideas and take one to different places. I plan on starting with an English class because everyone wants that and it's a great way to get to know the community.


Everything is paso a paso (step by step), and first I want to concentrate on integration. I want to know the community better, including the youth I may potentially work with, before starting a group. I also have to completely embrace the awkwardness as I said before, and introduce myself everywhere. I have to tell you, it's difficult as a "rubia" to do this because I constantly feel like I'm in a one woman parade. The other day, I went to the market and I was trying to avoid all the stares, and a man in front of me said, "Que preciosa!" How precious, or beautiful, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing in his face. What?


In my opinion, in a city, there's a bit more pressure. The people in the campo (countryside) seem to have a more relaxed atmosphere to get started in. In reality, my projects will take time, too, but I have to deal with the constant questions, especially because I am a follow up volunteer and they are already familiar with the Peace Corps. One problem I've faced is that people have this misconception that I am bringing money into the community because the other volunteer wrote a grant for the building. I will have to repeat myself many times, and even then, people remain skeptical. I've gotten used to repeating myself already, but that gets frustrating.


It's also cold here. I feel very underdressed in my nonexistent winter wardrobe. I thought hippie wear would be accepted here, which is fine for the hot summer, but...I apparently forgot to pack super tight jeans and my bedazzled shirts. That's how the girls dress here, super cute, tight, and sparkly. I tried to find a coat but so far I've had no luck. My arms are impossibly long compared to the Paraguayans and their coats are super short, too. If there are tall girls here, they all have very thin frames and most women are short and stocky. They don't have an in between for an awkward American body, unfortunately.


Also, I got lucky and found a place where I have my own casita. I'm still on the property of a family and I eat lunch with them, but I have my own space and already bought a toaster oven with oven burners to serve me for the next two years. The previous volunteer, Alyssa, is leaving me her fridge. Que suerte! Sometimes I wonder if I should've lived in a crowded house with a family to integrate a bit more, but I'm grateful to have my space, too. It's actually really nice...I even have my own washing machine here. I know, I know. My clothes dry out back next to the mandarin and banana trees. The yard here is absolutely beautiful and I can step outside of my door and pick grapefruit at my leisure. Most streets are cobblestone, some nicer than others, but my town has paved streets, too.


My family is fantastic here, too. I live with a man who is much respected in the community, his wife, their daughter, and their three year old granddaughter who still refuses to speak to me. They have four kids that live and work in Spain, and because of that, they are actually quite well off. They even have a microwave and an electric kettle! The granddaughter's mother also lives in Spain. Menchi, my twenty-three year old little sister, is studying to be a pharmacist and works in the pharmacy they own. She's great and has been helping me with Guarani, the native language most older people prefer to speak. They are always very entertained and impressed when I speak a few words in Guarani.


As for my Spanish, it's always improving. I'll have conversations for hours and only afterwards I think, "Wow that was all in Spanish." I tend to think in spanglish, sometimes it's crazy. However, I do tend to make my own words from time to time. That's also amusing, but there's so much vocabulary! I'm a pro at texting in Spanish.


Right now it's actually very cold outside, but I don't want to close my window because all I have are wooden shutters and security bars. If I close the wooden shutters, I'll have no sunlight and I enjoy watching everyone pass. I am so Paraguayan, ha.

Last week we had the building’s inauguration and Alyssa introduced me to the community. I stepped up the mic and greeted everyone in Guarani, and carried on with the introduction in Spanish, but everyone seemed so shocked that I spoke a word of Guarani. That reaction leaves me really wanting to learn more, to at least basically converse, so hopefully I’ll find a tutor soon. I will update more often now because I really do want to include everyone in this incredible experience, the ups and downs, and the support from home has always helped me tremendously. Thank you for all the encouragement. Your love and support helps me so much with this journey.


There are tough days, but I'm so happy to be here. I am falling in love with Paraguay.

I don´t know where I´m going, but I´ll get there.

It´s getting dark here, so I don´t have much time to spend in the cyber, but the weather has drastically dropped this week! I´ve had to use not only one blanket, but two, and I actually use my fleece in the morning! I never thought the day would come.

I just wanted to announce my future site placement...Caaguazú! I don´t know much, but supposedly the weather is mild there, and there is a market that sells whole wheat flour and garbanzo beans. Really, what else do you need? I also just now read that the soil is great for vegetation, or at least I think I read that. I can´t find that article anymore and I´m low on sleep. I leave tomorrow to meet my community contact for a day retreat and then we take off Friday for my site. I am a follow up volunteer which means I´m taking over where someone left off...sort of. The idea of being a follow up really makes me nervous, but hopefully the people won´t expect me to do all the same things the previous volunteer did. There is a brand new space that opened up for youth where I can have art and dance classes with the kids, too!
And on top of all that, I somehow magically got placed close to my best friend here. We are only an hour away from each other, I still can´t believe that.

When I asked if it was a good town to have a horse, the boss lady laughed at me. Vamos a ver.

I have so much to say, but I´ll have to wait write a better update. My partner and I did our last charla with 15 year old kids and had an American/Paraguayan dance exchange. That was seriously one of my highlights of being here, I couldn´t believe how well it went. It was one of those film moments, it didn´t feel real. One thing I forgot...I didn´t even talk about the Peace Corps. I just introduced myself and said, ¨Let´s go outside for the icebreaker.¨ Oops.

Lovelove!

I discovered coffee last week.

My room feels like me now. Finally, I can relax and I can imagine living here for longer. I knew I’d get to used to things, but it was more difficult than I anticipated because I had become so accustomed to my life at home whereas before I traveled last time, I was only home for a short while. I was used to being away. Of course nothing can compare to this…but anyway, the night is cool and my fan keeps my room at a pleasant temperature for sleeping. Today we walked so much throughout Villarica that I didn’t want to talk to anyone in that heat. Now I’m home, I have incense burning, my music is playing, and the atmosphere is very tranquillo. I recently rigged the lamp my family gave to me by removing the bulb from its exterior so I can actually use it for a reading lamp rather than an aesthetic glowing Virgin Mary as it was before. I never imagined this room feeling so nice. I didn’t bring incense with me from home because I was afraid they would think I was a witch for burning it because I had no idea of their beliefs. I know that sounds outlandish, but I had no idea and wanted to be careful. Anyway, it turns out that my host mom even had an incense burner for me to borrow. I splurged this weekend and bought lavender body wash and a dream catcher from Villarrica, the town I was visiting this week. The man tried to sell it to me for a gringo price since I’m obviously a foreigner, but too bad for him I pointed out the price tag and I paid him half his asking price. Damn this blonde hair. There’s no escaping it, I’ll always be the obvious extranjera, although everyone thinks I’m German. If your hair is lighter than jet-black, it´s blonde, so obviously I´m a bombshell.

Also, my mind is made up. If at all possible, I am going to have a horse during my term. Yes. I’ll get into that later.

This week was Long Field which is basically like a weeklong practicum. Three other people in my Urban Youth Development sector and I traveled to a city called Villarrica for a week’s worth of work. I stayed with an older woman who always had this look on her face that I first read as disappointment, and then I came to know that it was just her expression and she actually was not disapproving of everything I said. She was shocked at my age because of how young I look and that I did not dye my hair or wear makeup. At first I thought she thought I was awful for not putting forth more of an effort into my appearance, but she kept telling me how “linda” I was, so I don’t think she had bad intentions.


This week I met a boy whose mother lives in Spain with her other family and his father is dead. He stays with his Grandma but his drunk Uncle lives there and he´s abusive, especially when he drinks. When this happens, he runs away and stays with the lady I stayed with. This is how I met Aldo. He’s only ten years old and he seemed so much older. He noticed my plate and and all the food I left behind and said, “I can’t eat well, either.” It’s hard for him to eat much since he’s gone so long only eating very little, or that´s how Augustina, my host, explained it to me. I gave him some candy I had and he asked me if my teeth hurt. I didn’t understand the question at the time, but Augustina later explained that he cries because his teeth hurt so much. It turns out he didn’t even have a toothbrush. I thought about this documentary I had seen with this little boy who had owned nothing before and when he was given a toothbrush, he so proudly guarded it as his only possession. I couldn’t stop thinking of Aldo. I´ve worked with kids that have run the streets before, but I´ve never met one that was currently in the situation, not like this. I bought him a toothbrush the next day and found a package that came with two and he happily gave one to his little brother. I only saw him one other time before I left but he told me how he brushed his teeth and thanked me again. He wants to work with computers and we talked about Skype. I originally thought I would only be effective with working with girls, but after meeting Aldo, I had a strong desire to work with more ¨street kids.¨ (That´s how it´s labeled here). He doesn’t even have affection from anyone. Kids are so resilient and will always amaze me.

It rained so much in Villarica that the towns bordering the city were flooded and the town had no running water for five days. I still don't understand exactly what happened, but the water where I live now used to frequently shut off during the time I wanted to shower. At first I thought that's how it was going to be in Villarica, but it never came back on. Most everyone has wells, but Augustina had buckets of water brought to her from her brother. The first night I bathed with a bucket that was really quite fancy, she somehow had warmed up the water for me. The second night I ¨bucket bathed¨ she seemed so concerned since the water was cold, but I explained I'd rather be clean and what else could I do? She thought that response was hilarious.

It's kind of strange how things feel more comfortable now, because just as soon as I start to find my place here, we're moving on. We find out in a week where we are going to live for the next two years!

We swam in waterfalls. I somehow managed to climb up this tiny cliff that the Paraguayans could practically run up, and we jumped off. It wasn´t nearly as high as the cliff in North Carolina, but it was amazing. It felt so nice to be able to swim again. We tried to go to a different spring with more ¨waterfalls¨ but all the bridges had fallen from the previous rain fall. The signs leading up to the place read ¨Aventuras sin limites¨ but the fallen bridges proved the signs wrong, and our adventures were limited.



I made friends with carpinchos. They were like huge guniea pigs. I fed one a banana from my hand, and it was love.

I wish all mosquitoes and parasites were extinct. I don't know why they exist. It looks like I have chicken pox on my legs and I´m no fan of dengue. Just saying.

I finally washed my own clothes and cleaned my room. My host mom always insisted on washing my clothes and would clean my room, but I decided I needed to take control. It sounds like a small victory, but at first everything was so overwhelming and I felt uncertain with how to approach certain things, such as explaining the desire to do my own clothes, and finally, I feel more with it. I have graduated from middle school. It's the little things, you know.

Cold showers are actually refreshing in this heat. My language teacher said it's good for your circulation, I´m convinced she´s right. There are actually electric hot showers, but I only have the desire to use that on occasion. And mine is broken right now.

Stephen and I talked on the radio today! We had a sort of script written out and we were going to discuss some myths about Americans, but when it came time to talk, the DJ just asked us questions about Peace Corps and how we liked Paraguay. I was somehow able to keep up with him and understand most of what he said in his impossibly fast spanish. I felt like it was the micro machine guy or as if I were placing a bid at an auction. I had to do most of the talking because Stephen couldn´t understand him well and they let me introduce a song by my choice artist, Julieta Venegas. Very exciting, ha. I told them that I wasn´t used to speaking spanish because I usually speak Guarani at the house. That was pretty hilarious to everyone. Right after we were done at the station, I saw my host brother who had listened to us and he said I did well! You have to understand, compliments like that are not to be polite. Paraguayans are brutally honest so I was ready to laugh off any hate he had for me, but it was good. This is a culture where you can constantly make fun of your sister for being fat, and nobody corrects you. Or that´s what I´ve witnessed thus far, I should say. I should also mention that my host brother is twenty-six and has a one year old little boy, and that my sister is only ten.

We only have five weeks left and my host mom is trying to cease the moment since time has passed so quickly. For example, we ate fish on Sunday and I expressed the desire to go fishing. A few hours later, all of us, along with the long bamboo reed fishing poles that my host dad and little sister had to carry with their arms outside the windows because of their great length, were headed to the river. We found a cool place under a bridge and it was so incredibly peaceful. I felt sad to see trash polluting the river, but it was still beautiful inspite of this.

Yesterday we had a fancy party at my house. My host mom has been talking about making waffles for the other trainees for awhile, and yesterday morning she told me I had to invite everyone over that evening. Every single person came, along with one of our teachers, and my mom had it set up like we were in England. She put out her fancy dishes with coffee and tea, it was out of control chuchi. Chuchi=posh. There´s a teenager from Argentina that works in her store named Jose and he plays the accordian in a band with his family. I half jokingly asked if he had his accordian with him because I wanted to hear him play, and unbeknownst to me, he called his mom and had her bring it to him so he could play for me as a surprise. My entire training group was pretty shocked at the fanciness.


I had the brilliant idea for my mom to take a Spanish class and for her and my step dad to come visit me next year. That´s next on the list.

I hope everyone is well. I started writing this last week, I will update you next week when I found out my destiny! Mucho amor!!

I´m telling my Paraguayan mom that the doctor said no more meat for me!

I just wanted to write something really fast because I didn´t realize it had been so long since I´d written. I never feel like I have time for anything, but that will change after training. My best friend here got sick and had to go to the hospital and I stayed two nights in Asuncion with her. I am so happy that Peace Corps allowed me to do that because I know I would have been scared to go to a hospital in a foreign country alone, and I did a lot of translating for her. She´s doing much better now and was released today. Anyway, that was an experience in itself, but we did get a chance to watch American television and got a break from the bug bites. It was also humorous when she cursed at the nurses in English when they put in her IV because nobody understood a thing. It´s funny now, I promise. It was actually funny then.

Next week I´ll be traveling with three other volunteers to another site to do some work with kids, but I´m not sure what exactly we are doing yet since I´ve been out of the loop, but we´ll be there all week. Field work.

Last weekend we visited another volunteer and my group played games and did crafts with the kids in an after school program that´s funded by the Canadian government. It was really exciting to have a chance to work with kids again and it reminded me of why I´m here. I felt excited all over again.

Tomorrow are our last placement interviews which are a big deal. This is the interview that will determine your placement for the next two years. I´m not entirely certain of anything I want to say, but we find out our placements on April 8th. I´m thinking I might want to mention an orphanage and how I work better with some sort of structure, but also a lot of freedom. That probably sounds like a really hippie thing to say. I really can´t focus and feel like I´m losing my English.

And it´s true, I was thinking entirely in Spanish this morning, but I didn´t feel like I had reached a great level with the language, but that my thoughts had just become more simplified, rather. The spanglish mixed with Guarani in my brain is out of control.

The other day a few of us were on a bus headed to our weekend destination (work) trip and the ride seemed to drag on. I was so hot that I tried to sleep because I felt like I couldn´t breathe and thought a siesta was the best way to cope. I sat by the window and the wind blew so unpleasantly hard that my straw hat got all torn up. I realized then that I could close the window a bit to save me from that problem...I wasn´t thinking right. Anyway, we were going up a sort of incline and going really slow. None of us knew what was going on. My friend turned to me and said, ¨I think this must be a reeeeally steep hill and that´s why we are going so slow.¨ ¨No. I think we need to stop by a gas machine.¨ (That´s that English I´ve lost). We continued to very slowly move along as cars passed us and a lady very incessantly kept ringing the bell to be let off the bus. We finally came to a halt in a pile of sand on the side of the road. Apparently our bus´s brakes had quit working! So we all survived our run away bus, and we had no idea that it was running away. But I think it sounds pretty impressive. Very Paraguayan of us.

Paraguayans here jump on and off the buses like experts, too. I decided to give it a go one day. I was coming home from a very long bus ride and didn´t want to trouble the bus driver with coming to a complete stop, nobody else seemed to need it. So as we were almost stopped, I jumped off the bus, and of course, I fell. I jumped right up to assure everyone that I was fine and saw that a neighbor had witnessed my grace and I yelled, ¨Estoy bien!¨ I´m still determined to get that one down, but it seems that I have a reputation for being clumsy around here already. ha. I call it wreckless. Sounds better to me.

My friend Stephen and I plan on have a health charla (sort of like a chat) with kids and talking about that stuff on the radio, too. After our charla, we plan to teach them some North American dances since it so well coincides with health. Yes, the electric slide is obviously included.

Training is still stressful and I still feel awful at the Guarani language, but things are good here. I miss everyone like crazy, but I put credit on my skype and have been able to talk to a few people from home which helps me out so much. It´s hard to think of missing my nephew grow up, though, that´s definitely been the most difficult and saddest part for me.

I will try to write more very soon and I think of all you like crazy. I really do.

It´s avacado season

I didn´t know I was going to use the Intenet today so I have nothing written to post. It´s easier for me to write in my room as opposed to a hot cyber cafe where I always feel slightly rushed. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Villeta, the town I´m staying in, so tonight there is a grand festival. I´m not sure what that entails, but I know that there will be lots of dancing and art and the whole town is going to be there to celebrate. It´s also a holiday in Villeta tomorrow, so nobody has school so they can party as freely as they´d like tonight. Unfortunately, for the Americans, that isn´t the case. We have school at 7:45 and will either miss out on the celebrations, or be very out of it during language class. Oh, language class. Still not my favorite topic and I´m still bitter about it since I really would like to master spanish before confusing myself more, but it´ll be okay. I think as time goes on, I´ll pick up both languages a lot easier than now. And if I study more, perhaps?

This past weekend I traveled to another city to stay with a volunteer. It was a very interesting experience, and I was very happy to be home on Tuesday after riding on three different hot buses for a total of five hours. I miss train travel. ha.

Anyway, whenever I explained to the ¨chaueffer¨ where I needed to be dropped off in the new city, he dropped me off at an intersection (not like one in the US, but it was technically an intersection) and off the bus drove. A few girls stared at me from in front of the dispensa(store) while sipping their soda. ¨Is the police station this way?¨ I yelled to them. One of the girls pointed out the right direction and I walked away in what looked like the middle of nowhere as it started to rain. At that moment, three large pigs crossed the street in front of me and I could hear music in the distance. A band that sounded like a Paraguayan version of mariachi was practicing, blaring their horns outside. It was so beautiful. It was then that I thought, ¨Wow. I´m in South America.¨ Even though I was a little uncertain if I was going the right direction and I had no phone, I felt pretty calm. I stopped by another store and asked every other person on the way to ensure that I was headed the right way. At last, after turning down another road and heading up a hill, I found the other volunteer. Apparently she meant to tell me to get off at the bus terminal, but I was happy that I was able to take that walk and have the strange realization that I was in Paraguay. It was really beautiful.

Today was fairly easy, my friend Stephen and I went to the radio station in town and did a sort of interview, and we plan on visiting them next week with a script to do a radio show with our host siblings. We aren´t sure what topics we want to talk about, but we are super excited. I would really love to have a radio show when I get to my site. A lot of volunteers have a program because it´s such a useful resource here. The director told us that 70% of the town listens at a certain hour and it´s a great way to rech everyone. Naturally, we want to have fun with it and plan on getting creative.

Afterwards, we visted the fire station and talked to the ¨bomberos¨ there. They went to great lengths to show us everything. They do everything from deliver babies to rescue animals. Their firetrucks are really old, one even looked antique, and their uniforms and gear are always passed on from other countries because they have such limited funding. They do a lot of first aid (if you can call it that, it´s a lot more intense than first aid) and deal with a lot of moto accidents here. The driving here is pretty scary, to say the least.

We had a longer break this afternoon and when I woke up from my siesta, my host mom stopped me and a lady started measuring me for a dress. I was a little confused. I showed her what material I liked best and...I think I´m going to have a dress now. I had mentioned once that I wanted something like my little host sister had, and that´s all it took. I told her I love avacado, and now what is on my plate every moring and afternoon? Avacado. A ton of it. Which I do love, but for breakfast...I´ll take what I can get, really.

I still have no sort of routine here but I plan on working on that. It´s pretty difficult during training, but once things calm down and I´m on my site, I´ll have time for a lot more things. I don´t want to get too far ahead of myself, I really love the people in my group and it´ll be a lot more difficult without their support and breaks to talk English.

I love all of you and will write again soon!

I´ve never eaten this many bananas in my life.

I don’t know where to begin. Sundays are the most tranquilo around here, and I finally have some time to myself. I have two projects I have to present by Wednesday; one, my life story. That doesn’t sound difficult but I’m not the best at talking in front of people. The second, a 45 minute presentation on Environmental Education. I’m a little worried about that because any knowledge and experience I have regarding Environmental Education isn’t really applicable to Paraguay.

First, I wanted to process some things so I could really focus. We have been given some kind of manual every day and today I opened one up that addressed culture shock. I thought I had this one mastered. Why? Why would I ever think I was ahead of the game? Yes, I’ve had some experiences and have been away from “home” before so I understand the process to an extent, but this is completely different. There really is no way one can ever prepare for an intense experience like this. I remember telling myself this, but the words never sunk in. Right now I am typing this in my room and I feel tense. I am sure that my host mom is frowning on me being in my room instead of socializing with the family.

I knew this would be tough, but I had no idea how it would affect me. I’ve not even been here for two weeks, but right now, I’m in the culture shock phase. A line from the manual jumped out at me. “Get to know yourself- how you handle conflict, your communication style, your tolerance of ambiguity.”
I thought, “I can do this, it’s just not going to be easy.” I can’t try to live like an American here or else I will never be integrated in the culture. It’s just been very difficult for me to feel like I am so limited and that my sense of independence has been stripped from me. Didn’t I know that was going to happen? I don’t think I anticipated how it was going to feel.

In Paraguay, women, and sometimes men, live with their families until they are married. Even after they are married, they still live very close by. To them, I am their responsibility and they treat me as they would their child, which means I can’t do much, or so it seems. This has been the toughest adjustment for me because I am very independent and have been used to being on my own for almost ten years now. I wanted to explain all of this, but really, it’s just resistance. I don’t do well when I feel restrained so I’m trying to find a way to deal with that now, which is partly why I have decided to write.
I am also frustrated because they use so many different words here and I’ve grown so accustomed to saying certain things in a different way, so it’s harder for me to remember all the new words to use. Also, they pronounce things differently here, too, and it’s hard for us to understand each other. I felt so discouraged last night that I quit listening and talking. I got really frustrated because we went to a birthday party at midnight and I thought we were going home, nobody had explained to me what was going on. Cultural barriers. I was introduced to a million people and I didn’t feel like I could even converse. I know everyone was talking about me, in fact I heard my mom telling the neighbor something as I got up today. That’s been another frustrating thing to deal with, gossip here is unbelievable! The rumors are always exaggerated and for the most part, untrue. I really enjoy visiting other trainees at their homes and getting to know their families, as well. When I am a volunteer, it will be important for me to know more of the community, but I think it’s been misinterpreted and seen as me always wanting to get away. Most families here sit in the streets outside of their houses in the shade drinking terere which is what I love doing. My family doesn’t really sit outside though, so I’m usually outside with their neighbors where another PC trainee lives. That might also look bad.
On to the good things…my honeymoon stage definitely comes in waves. I don’t feel like it’s completely over, I think my culture shock stage and honey moon go back and forth with each other. Just yesterday I was sitting in a field with another trainee, Michelle, my best girlfriend here, watching all the men play piki volley, a game just like volleyball, accept you don’t use your hands. It’s incredible to watch. The sun was setting and music was blaring from some speakers nearby, and it was such a beautiful moment. Yes, there was a child who kept calling me names and throwing things at me, but I tried to befriend him because I think he was just starving for attention and his parents were nowhere around. I took the most beautiful bus ride the other day, too. We were coming back from one of our meetings with all the trainees, and I got to see how beautiful some of the countryside was. Latino music was blasting in the bus, the kind I really like, and we passed so many lindo fields with a huge array of fruit trees. People were all relaxing on their porches and everyone was passing us on their motos…I couldn’t believe how fortunate I was that this was my home for the next two years.
It really is so beautiful here, fruit trees are everywhere and I just missed the mango season. We have fresh orange juice every day made from the oranges and the licuadora (blender).

My family is also really nice. I feel like they go out of their way to try to make sure I’m happy, to an uncomfortable degree even, and I feel bad when I really just want some alone time and for it not to offend anybody. I’m still trying to strike a balance; we haven’t even been here for two weeks, but the days feel so long. My entire group feels like we’ve been here for months. My life in the US feels like a world away. I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist in any way, I think all of these struggles as part of the journey, I’m trying to learn how to adjust, which will be a great part of this experience. I also am in no way saying any sort of cultural norm is wrong, I’m only explaining how difficult the process has been coming fresh off the boat.
The twelve other people I am training with in the Urban Youth Development group are also amazing. One of the trainees also went to UNT and we have mutual friends, so that has been a definite comfort. It’s really nice to go through something together, too, and be able to process the experience with people who may be experiencing the same thing. We are one of the biggest training groups (all 49 of us) to come in ten years or more (I think) and are the first group to come since Obama’s new call to volunteerism has been put in action.
All 49 of the volunteers are in their respected groups (Rural Health and Sanitation, Early Education, and Urban Youth Development) and live in different “Satellite communities.” I’m not sure what that means, but we are spread out from each other so I only really know the twelve others in my group, and we see all the other trainees when we go to a different town for different meetings, once a week or so. My group and I live in an “urban” area which means we live near stores and aren’t far from downtown of the smaller pueblo, Villeta. Lots of the host parents have stores in their homes. In fact, my mom has one, and we run an ice factory. The factory and store are really small when comparing it to American standards. People just come to a counter and tell her what they want and many times, Angelica, my eleven year old sister will come and help out at the counter while her mom does other work. Angelica’s school is only from 7AM-11AM, Monday-Friday.

My training classes with the other 12 UYD trainees start at 7:45AM and we break for lunch at either 11:30 or 12:00. The morning segment of training is strictly language. I am in the Guarani class, the native indigenous language, and I feel pretty slow with it. There’s a saying that one comes to Paraguay speaking one language well, and leaves speaking three languages poorly. I can see that happening, although I hope it isn’t the truth. The Guarani language is taught completely in Spanish, so my notebook is filled with three different languages scribbled upon the pages. I’ll sometimes think of things in English- so it’s a very confusing mix. I have been thinking very much in Spanglish and don’t feel as though I’m progressing well in Spanish, but maybe I’m wrong.

The afternoon part of training is from 1 (mas o menos) to 5, and varies from cultural training to skills with Urban Youth Development. The afternoons are usually fun.

I have one hermanita who is eleven, and a brother, but he doesn’t live here. He’s the same age as me and has a little boy, Alvarito, who is eleven months old and sooo cute. My host mom made me pizza on my first night here and a hamburger the other night- Paraguayan style, complete with a fried egg In the middle. Riquisimo! Very tasty and filled with a day’s worth of sodium, I’m sure.
I have quite a large house in Paraguayan standards, and I’m fortunate enough to have my own bathroom. I did not expect that. I even have AC if I really want to use it. I haven’t been using it because the nights are bearable but my host mom made me use it during a nap yesterday. Ha.

Yesterday was our first “field trip.” We went to an orphanage which is really a home for abandoned children. Some of the parents are in jail, some dead, some gone…a lot of the kids had been picked up straight from the streets. I was in a group where we taught the kids how to make beads using old magazines, and then they could make bracelets or necklaces with their perlitas de papel, paper beads. My favorite group was the teenage girls group. I really enjoyed visiting the orphanage; it was hard not to cry when we left. The ladies who started the home live there and devote their whole lives to these children. They older kids make lace and sell it as a way to raise money for the orphanage’s meals. I bought a fancy toilet paper holder they made. I just can’t wait to be working with the kids, the trip gave me new energy. I asked each one what they wanted to be when they grew up, and I was pleased that they all had an answer, and two of them wanted to be a Social Assistant which is something very close to a Social worker.

My first day here I was very jetlagged and mesmerized by everything so South American. Everyone drives motos (mopeds or motorcycles, I’m not sure) here, and a man and a little boy drove by with two dead chickens strapped to either side of their moto. Bringin’ home the chicken. We aren’t allowed to ride them, don’t worry. I also had a few moments my first week where I looked for my phone to check for messages. Welcome to Paraguay.

I know this is a big cluster or disorganization, but it’s hard to summarize things in English, let alone in Spanish. I’m at a frustrating stage right now, but tomorrow could be a wonderful days. It varies day to day. Thank you so much for your support, you have no idea how much it means. I wish I had more time to do anything or use the Internet so I could write everyone back, but the training schedule is pretty grueling and at the end of the day I feel pretty drained. I love all of you!

Today is Wednesday, this was written on Sunday, and this week I got two presentations out of the way, and we are visiting Asuncion, the capital for the first time tomorrow. Very excited. The projects also went well, I´m grateful they are over with. This weekend we will be sent off for four days to stay with a volunteer to see how it is on site, but we have yet to know where. I can´t wait to share about that experience. One day here feels like a week and today has been good. It rained earlier so the air is cool and doesn´t feel heavy like usual. It´s a great relief. I have to go because I have a study session with my Guarani class...haha.

Lovelove!!

PS A boy bought me a whole box of bonsbons for me and said I look like Barbie and of course, wants to marry me. Don´t you worry, not going to happen, but I did gladly accept the candy. I also found peanut butter here!!! Very happy.

I just wanted to write really fast and let you know I am alive and I made it here just fine. I havençt had a chance to write yet, but I now have an adapter I can use for my computer and plan on gathering my thoughts to write something really soon. I also donçt know how to work this keyboard and its very frustrating. I will write soon. Love yallªª

Farewell, USA

We are at training with very limited time to go eat before we have to meet again and get our things together!! Today has been crazy, it started off with my roommate's cell phone ringing (thanks to me calling a wrong number the day before) and us in disorientation and frantically getting ready for the day. So we were on time to orientation by Texas time...but everything was fine.

Everyone seems very cool and I'm so excited to start this adventure with such wonderful people. After our very long trip which consists of eight hours to Sao Paulo, Brazil, a 4 hour layover, then a few more hours on to Asuncion, we will be greeted by Peace Corps staff. We will then have one more hour to drive on to our training site in Guarambare where we will be living for the next three months, and then we will meet our host families. I am still pretty sleep deprived after a very stressful week of packing, so I can't really put this all into words well at the moment.

My luggage consists of two pieces that are jam packed and not easy to maneuver with...in the airport I discovered if I stand on one foot, I could easily fall over carrying so much weight. As soon as found the right place to be yesterday in the Miami airport, I spotted two guys (both of them named Andy), and knew those were my people. One of them had a Peace Corps luggage tag which I hope I'm being given today, they sure did not send me one earlier.

My friend Fernando that lives in Miami and is from Ecuador came and saw me off yesterday! That was so very special because I haven't seen him in a few years and he and I worked together at Hands On Gulf Coast where I was an Americorps volunteer.

Last night all the volunteers ate Cuban food across the street from the hotel and everyone was on the same page with each other as far as feeling nervous, excited, anxious, etc. We needed no ice breakers, I think everyone will connect very well. There are 49 of us in our training group!

I can't think of anything else to say, I just wanted to write because I am slowly realizing my whole life is going to change and I am uncertain when I will get a chance to sit down and use the Internet again.

I love all of you and thank you so much for your support.

I wanted to share a few links with you while I had the chance, too. The fist link is a video that was made by other Peace Corps volunteers about Paraguay. The second link is a photo contest in Paraguay that shows some of the beauty of the country and the third link is what another volunteer in Paraguay uses on the daily. I thought it was interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZA78xUzwTA

http://picasaweb.google.com/guidetoparaguay/GuideToParaguayPhotoContestConcursoDeFotos

http://picasaweb.google.com/domingusj/ThingsIUseInParaguay

Is this really happening? I'm not so sure yet.

Well, I'd really like to tell you guys all about Paraguay and my South American adventure, but for now, I'm losing my mind. How's about that? I feel ridiculous for having purchased so many items for this expedition when moving to a very poor country. I will feel like a giant ass for having done so, but I needed good shoes to last me for two years (they sure as heck aren't going to carry size 11s there when I can hardly find them in the US), and I tried to get practical items as well as ones key to my sanity. You know.

I have to say goodbye to most of my family tomorrow, and my friends, the next day. Again! I know. Let's get it over with, but I would like to have another time with everyone. I just want it to be very casual, let's pretend we're going to see each other again tomorrow. I don't mind talking about leaving, really, but I don't want anybody to shout, "It's Natalie's last night!" That's nice, but I can't handle being the crying girl again. Ohhh let's not do that again.

Another thing I'm not looking forward to is not having control over my diet. That sounds ridiculous, but when you are a guest in somebody's home, especially in this type of situation, you really do just eat what they give you. And apparently they are all about the starch and meat in Paraguay and I hear it's quite tasty, but there goes my great plan of sweating the pounds off. One can only hope for a parasite, right? That's okay, there are more important things to worry about. But I am pretty bummed about that part.

I've just made a huge sack to give to my sister. I got overly excited and bought too many things, I don't want to bother with returns, and I'm happy for her to have them. I even bought two night creams, I'm losing my mind! One of my friends has already sent me something to Paraguay!! I have the most amazing people in my life...hope nobody forgets about me. That sounds silly, but really...these things tend to happen. I'm excited about everything. I suspect I may be the oldest going with my group and I might be the only Jesus lover. Nada nuevo.

Ohhh but I do hope after the six months of waiting that someone will get to come for a visit somewhere between August 2010 and May 2012. Who knows, I could extend. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I didn't even mean to write an actual blog since nobody even knows this exists right now but this does offer more bag packing procrastination, what more could I ask for? A lot of people I haven't seen in awhile have contacted me to wish me well in one way or another, it has been really nice. It still hasn't even sunk in yet.

Oh, here's one more tip when trying to pack up for two years. Turn on the TV, aimlessly look up pointless things on the Internet, then bake cookies. It does a world of good.

Here's to lots of vaccinations and loooong flights! I really am excited. And freaking out. And on the verge of crying at any moment thinking of everyone I'll miss. But happy, too. Know of an emotion? I'm feeling it. Lovelove.