I´ve never eaten this many bananas in my life.

I don’t know where to begin. Sundays are the most tranquilo around here, and I finally have some time to myself. I have two projects I have to present by Wednesday; one, my life story. That doesn’t sound difficult but I’m not the best at talking in front of people. The second, a 45 minute presentation on Environmental Education. I’m a little worried about that because any knowledge and experience I have regarding Environmental Education isn’t really applicable to Paraguay.

First, I wanted to process some things so I could really focus. We have been given some kind of manual every day and today I opened one up that addressed culture shock. I thought I had this one mastered. Why? Why would I ever think I was ahead of the game? Yes, I’ve had some experiences and have been away from “home” before so I understand the process to an extent, but this is completely different. There really is no way one can ever prepare for an intense experience like this. I remember telling myself this, but the words never sunk in. Right now I am typing this in my room and I feel tense. I am sure that my host mom is frowning on me being in my room instead of socializing with the family.

I knew this would be tough, but I had no idea how it would affect me. I’ve not even been here for two weeks, but right now, I’m in the culture shock phase. A line from the manual jumped out at me. “Get to know yourself- how you handle conflict, your communication style, your tolerance of ambiguity.”
I thought, “I can do this, it’s just not going to be easy.” I can’t try to live like an American here or else I will never be integrated in the culture. It’s just been very difficult for me to feel like I am so limited and that my sense of independence has been stripped from me. Didn’t I know that was going to happen? I don’t think I anticipated how it was going to feel.

In Paraguay, women, and sometimes men, live with their families until they are married. Even after they are married, they still live very close by. To them, I am their responsibility and they treat me as they would their child, which means I can’t do much, or so it seems. This has been the toughest adjustment for me because I am very independent and have been used to being on my own for almost ten years now. I wanted to explain all of this, but really, it’s just resistance. I don’t do well when I feel restrained so I’m trying to find a way to deal with that now, which is partly why I have decided to write.
I am also frustrated because they use so many different words here and I’ve grown so accustomed to saying certain things in a different way, so it’s harder for me to remember all the new words to use. Also, they pronounce things differently here, too, and it’s hard for us to understand each other. I felt so discouraged last night that I quit listening and talking. I got really frustrated because we went to a birthday party at midnight and I thought we were going home, nobody had explained to me what was going on. Cultural barriers. I was introduced to a million people and I didn’t feel like I could even converse. I know everyone was talking about me, in fact I heard my mom telling the neighbor something as I got up today. That’s been another frustrating thing to deal with, gossip here is unbelievable! The rumors are always exaggerated and for the most part, untrue. I really enjoy visiting other trainees at their homes and getting to know their families, as well. When I am a volunteer, it will be important for me to know more of the community, but I think it’s been misinterpreted and seen as me always wanting to get away. Most families here sit in the streets outside of their houses in the shade drinking terere which is what I love doing. My family doesn’t really sit outside though, so I’m usually outside with their neighbors where another PC trainee lives. That might also look bad.
On to the good things…my honeymoon stage definitely comes in waves. I don’t feel like it’s completely over, I think my culture shock stage and honey moon go back and forth with each other. Just yesterday I was sitting in a field with another trainee, Michelle, my best girlfriend here, watching all the men play piki volley, a game just like volleyball, accept you don’t use your hands. It’s incredible to watch. The sun was setting and music was blaring from some speakers nearby, and it was such a beautiful moment. Yes, there was a child who kept calling me names and throwing things at me, but I tried to befriend him because I think he was just starving for attention and his parents were nowhere around. I took the most beautiful bus ride the other day, too. We were coming back from one of our meetings with all the trainees, and I got to see how beautiful some of the countryside was. Latino music was blasting in the bus, the kind I really like, and we passed so many lindo fields with a huge array of fruit trees. People were all relaxing on their porches and everyone was passing us on their motos…I couldn’t believe how fortunate I was that this was my home for the next two years.
It really is so beautiful here, fruit trees are everywhere and I just missed the mango season. We have fresh orange juice every day made from the oranges and the licuadora (blender).

My family is also really nice. I feel like they go out of their way to try to make sure I’m happy, to an uncomfortable degree even, and I feel bad when I really just want some alone time and for it not to offend anybody. I’m still trying to strike a balance; we haven’t even been here for two weeks, but the days feel so long. My entire group feels like we’ve been here for months. My life in the US feels like a world away. I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist in any way, I think all of these struggles as part of the journey, I’m trying to learn how to adjust, which will be a great part of this experience. I also am in no way saying any sort of cultural norm is wrong, I’m only explaining how difficult the process has been coming fresh off the boat.
The twelve other people I am training with in the Urban Youth Development group are also amazing. One of the trainees also went to UNT and we have mutual friends, so that has been a definite comfort. It’s really nice to go through something together, too, and be able to process the experience with people who may be experiencing the same thing. We are one of the biggest training groups (all 49 of us) to come in ten years or more (I think) and are the first group to come since Obama’s new call to volunteerism has been put in action.
All 49 of the volunteers are in their respected groups (Rural Health and Sanitation, Early Education, and Urban Youth Development) and live in different “Satellite communities.” I’m not sure what that means, but we are spread out from each other so I only really know the twelve others in my group, and we see all the other trainees when we go to a different town for different meetings, once a week or so. My group and I live in an “urban” area which means we live near stores and aren’t far from downtown of the smaller pueblo, Villeta. Lots of the host parents have stores in their homes. In fact, my mom has one, and we run an ice factory. The factory and store are really small when comparing it to American standards. People just come to a counter and tell her what they want and many times, Angelica, my eleven year old sister will come and help out at the counter while her mom does other work. Angelica’s school is only from 7AM-11AM, Monday-Friday.

My training classes with the other 12 UYD trainees start at 7:45AM and we break for lunch at either 11:30 or 12:00. The morning segment of training is strictly language. I am in the Guarani class, the native indigenous language, and I feel pretty slow with it. There’s a saying that one comes to Paraguay speaking one language well, and leaves speaking three languages poorly. I can see that happening, although I hope it isn’t the truth. The Guarani language is taught completely in Spanish, so my notebook is filled with three different languages scribbled upon the pages. I’ll sometimes think of things in English- so it’s a very confusing mix. I have been thinking very much in Spanglish and don’t feel as though I’m progressing well in Spanish, but maybe I’m wrong.

The afternoon part of training is from 1 (mas o menos) to 5, and varies from cultural training to skills with Urban Youth Development. The afternoons are usually fun.

I have one hermanita who is eleven, and a brother, but he doesn’t live here. He’s the same age as me and has a little boy, Alvarito, who is eleven months old and sooo cute. My host mom made me pizza on my first night here and a hamburger the other night- Paraguayan style, complete with a fried egg In the middle. Riquisimo! Very tasty and filled with a day’s worth of sodium, I’m sure.
I have quite a large house in Paraguayan standards, and I’m fortunate enough to have my own bathroom. I did not expect that. I even have AC if I really want to use it. I haven’t been using it because the nights are bearable but my host mom made me use it during a nap yesterday. Ha.

Yesterday was our first “field trip.” We went to an orphanage which is really a home for abandoned children. Some of the parents are in jail, some dead, some gone…a lot of the kids had been picked up straight from the streets. I was in a group where we taught the kids how to make beads using old magazines, and then they could make bracelets or necklaces with their perlitas de papel, paper beads. My favorite group was the teenage girls group. I really enjoyed visiting the orphanage; it was hard not to cry when we left. The ladies who started the home live there and devote their whole lives to these children. They older kids make lace and sell it as a way to raise money for the orphanage’s meals. I bought a fancy toilet paper holder they made. I just can’t wait to be working with the kids, the trip gave me new energy. I asked each one what they wanted to be when they grew up, and I was pleased that they all had an answer, and two of them wanted to be a Social Assistant which is something very close to a Social worker.

My first day here I was very jetlagged and mesmerized by everything so South American. Everyone drives motos (mopeds or motorcycles, I’m not sure) here, and a man and a little boy drove by with two dead chickens strapped to either side of their moto. Bringin’ home the chicken. We aren’t allowed to ride them, don’t worry. I also had a few moments my first week where I looked for my phone to check for messages. Welcome to Paraguay.

I know this is a big cluster or disorganization, but it’s hard to summarize things in English, let alone in Spanish. I’m at a frustrating stage right now, but tomorrow could be a wonderful days. It varies day to day. Thank you so much for your support, you have no idea how much it means. I wish I had more time to do anything or use the Internet so I could write everyone back, but the training schedule is pretty grueling and at the end of the day I feel pretty drained. I love all of you!

Today is Wednesday, this was written on Sunday, and this week I got two presentations out of the way, and we are visiting Asuncion, the capital for the first time tomorrow. Very excited. The projects also went well, I´m grateful they are over with. This weekend we will be sent off for four days to stay with a volunteer to see how it is on site, but we have yet to know where. I can´t wait to share about that experience. One day here feels like a week and today has been good. It rained earlier so the air is cool and doesn´t feel heavy like usual. It´s a great relief. I have to go because I have a study session with my Guarani class...haha.

Lovelove!!

PS A boy bought me a whole box of bonsbons for me and said I look like Barbie and of course, wants to marry me. Don´t you worry, not going to happen, but I did gladly accept the candy. I also found peanut butter here!!! Very happy.

I just wanted to write really fast and let you know I am alive and I made it here just fine. I havençt had a chance to write yet, but I now have an adapter I can use for my computer and plan on gathering my thoughts to write something really soon. I also donçt know how to work this keyboard and its very frustrating. I will write soon. Love yallªª

Farewell, USA

We are at training with very limited time to go eat before we have to meet again and get our things together!! Today has been crazy, it started off with my roommate's cell phone ringing (thanks to me calling a wrong number the day before) and us in disorientation and frantically getting ready for the day. So we were on time to orientation by Texas time...but everything was fine.

Everyone seems very cool and I'm so excited to start this adventure with such wonderful people. After our very long trip which consists of eight hours to Sao Paulo, Brazil, a 4 hour layover, then a few more hours on to Asuncion, we will be greeted by Peace Corps staff. We will then have one more hour to drive on to our training site in Guarambare where we will be living for the next three months, and then we will meet our host families. I am still pretty sleep deprived after a very stressful week of packing, so I can't really put this all into words well at the moment.

My luggage consists of two pieces that are jam packed and not easy to maneuver with...in the airport I discovered if I stand on one foot, I could easily fall over carrying so much weight. As soon as found the right place to be yesterday in the Miami airport, I spotted two guys (both of them named Andy), and knew those were my people. One of them had a Peace Corps luggage tag which I hope I'm being given today, they sure did not send me one earlier.

My friend Fernando that lives in Miami and is from Ecuador came and saw me off yesterday! That was so very special because I haven't seen him in a few years and he and I worked together at Hands On Gulf Coast where I was an Americorps volunteer.

Last night all the volunteers ate Cuban food across the street from the hotel and everyone was on the same page with each other as far as feeling nervous, excited, anxious, etc. We needed no ice breakers, I think everyone will connect very well. There are 49 of us in our training group!

I can't think of anything else to say, I just wanted to write because I am slowly realizing my whole life is going to change and I am uncertain when I will get a chance to sit down and use the Internet again.

I love all of you and thank you so much for your support.

I wanted to share a few links with you while I had the chance, too. The fist link is a video that was made by other Peace Corps volunteers about Paraguay. The second link is a photo contest in Paraguay that shows some of the beauty of the country and the third link is what another volunteer in Paraguay uses on the daily. I thought it was interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZA78xUzwTA

http://picasaweb.google.com/guidetoparaguay/GuideToParaguayPhotoContestConcursoDeFotos

http://picasaweb.google.com/domingusj/ThingsIUseInParaguay

Is this really happening? I'm not so sure yet.

Well, I'd really like to tell you guys all about Paraguay and my South American adventure, but for now, I'm losing my mind. How's about that? I feel ridiculous for having purchased so many items for this expedition when moving to a very poor country. I will feel like a giant ass for having done so, but I needed good shoes to last me for two years (they sure as heck aren't going to carry size 11s there when I can hardly find them in the US), and I tried to get practical items as well as ones key to my sanity. You know.

I have to say goodbye to most of my family tomorrow, and my friends, the next day. Again! I know. Let's get it over with, but I would like to have another time with everyone. I just want it to be very casual, let's pretend we're going to see each other again tomorrow. I don't mind talking about leaving, really, but I don't want anybody to shout, "It's Natalie's last night!" That's nice, but I can't handle being the crying girl again. Ohhh let's not do that again.

Another thing I'm not looking forward to is not having control over my diet. That sounds ridiculous, but when you are a guest in somebody's home, especially in this type of situation, you really do just eat what they give you. And apparently they are all about the starch and meat in Paraguay and I hear it's quite tasty, but there goes my great plan of sweating the pounds off. One can only hope for a parasite, right? That's okay, there are more important things to worry about. But I am pretty bummed about that part.

I've just made a huge sack to give to my sister. I got overly excited and bought too many things, I don't want to bother with returns, and I'm happy for her to have them. I even bought two night creams, I'm losing my mind! One of my friends has already sent me something to Paraguay!! I have the most amazing people in my life...hope nobody forgets about me. That sounds silly, but really...these things tend to happen. I'm excited about everything. I suspect I may be the oldest going with my group and I might be the only Jesus lover. Nada nuevo.

Ohhh but I do hope after the six months of waiting that someone will get to come for a visit somewhere between August 2010 and May 2012. Who knows, I could extend. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I didn't even mean to write an actual blog since nobody even knows this exists right now but this does offer more bag packing procrastination, what more could I ask for? A lot of people I haven't seen in awhile have contacted me to wish me well in one way or another, it has been really nice. It still hasn't even sunk in yet.

Oh, here's one more tip when trying to pack up for two years. Turn on the TV, aimlessly look up pointless things on the Internet, then bake cookies. It does a world of good.

Here's to lots of vaccinations and loooong flights! I really am excited. And freaking out. And on the verge of crying at any moment thinking of everyone I'll miss. But happy, too. Know of an emotion? I'm feeling it. Lovelove.