Rainy Days here...

Rainy days in Paraguay are different from other rainy days, yet they still remind of days in England. Everything, from businesses to schools, gets rained out. I'm feeling nostalgic at the moment. Maybe it's the caffeine rush from my instant coffee, which is what they have here because sadly, this is not a coffee producing country. I always said I wouldn't drink coffee until I was in South America, so here I am buzzing from my instant caffeine and watching people pass by my window in the rain. My kitten insists on sitting in my lap and always claws her way up my jeans. Yes, I already have a pet. That wasn't planned, but I couldn't abandon her. It's complicated quite a few things for me, but it's nice to not live entirely alone. She's great entertainment when she's running around with my bra in her mouth...but she also wants to play with everything so I've allowed my huge backpack to be her playground.


I was just thinking about the times I spent in England with two of my great friends, Christina and Ryan, and how we would marvel over life and talk about our dreams together, most likely while drinking wine and listening to Jackson Browne. I thought about them and how grateful I was for those moments, and it struck me. They are living their dream, and I'm living mine. This is it! I got so excited thinking about this and I felt inspired to do many things.


Right now, I'm in my site. I've been here for two weeks now. Some days have seemed long, I don't know many people yet, the weather has been bad the past few days and I've had this cold for over a week. I had a fever to start with and everyone took care of me by bringing mystery remedies and demanding from my window that I rest. Now my cold has just left me unable to hear and unmotivated to wander about town to have everyone stare at me, but now I'm ready for that. I've learned to embrace the awkwardness. Or, at least I remind myself of that. When the silences come, don't feel awkward with them, just relax. That's what I tell myself.


I've neglected writing because I don't know where to begin. So many things seem "normal" now that I forget what is what. For example, it's not uncommon to have to wait for cows to cross the road or for chickens to be just roaming about as if they belong to everyone's yard. I am in a more urban area now so it's not as evident here, but I’m sure a few neighborhoods over, the story remains the same. Also, yes, I have internet in my place and the handbooks that told us to not bring computers were outdated. Luckily I brought a baby computer, which my girl Cindy Frank suggested I do.


We have cell phones and I'm able to talk to fellow volunteers for free and I can even text the US. That's been quite the lifeline.


But down to the most important thing...what are my plans? Everyone, from strangers I meet in the town to my mom, ask me this question. Each time, David Bowie and Queen's “Under Pressure” plays in my head and I answer that I have ideas, but I don't know what will happen. I'm sure that answer is too vague to satisfy anyone, especially the curious people of Caguazuu who are anxious to see what I will do. The thing is, each project/placement/site is unique. In my situation, I am a follow up volunteer. Today is the previous volunteer’s last day, and I've grown quite fond of her and am sad to see her leave, but I'm happy for her to return to the US and to continue what she started. While she was here, she got a grant and helped raise funds to build a building that is open for me to use for the youth. She did many other great things, too, but this is where I'll start. I'm free to do what I choose, but I basically have to create what I want to do, similar to what I did in Americorps. Also, if I want my projects to be sustainable and continue on after my two years here, I need to find contacts who are interested In helping me, and hopefully they will carry on what I’ve started. Sustainability. Knowledge transfer. I have no schedule or kids waiting for me, these are things that will happen when I make them happen.


My dream? To work with a girls group and do many different charlas (discussions) with self esteem and other things along those lines. I would also love to have a youth group to do art projects in the community. Murals, mosaics, anything of that nature. I also want to get these kids interested in reading, or at least present the opportunity to them, because there is a real lack of reading here in Paraguay. There are books in Asuncion…but if anyone wants to help with that project, I’ve posted my new address, and any books in Spanish would be amazing. I just feel like it’s such a tragedy to be deprived from such an art that has the power to open up minds to different ideas and take one to different places. I plan on starting with an English class because everyone wants that and it's a great way to get to know the community.


Everything is paso a paso (step by step), and first I want to concentrate on integration. I want to know the community better, including the youth I may potentially work with, before starting a group. I also have to completely embrace the awkwardness as I said before, and introduce myself everywhere. I have to tell you, it's difficult as a "rubia" to do this because I constantly feel like I'm in a one woman parade. The other day, I went to the market and I was trying to avoid all the stares, and a man in front of me said, "Que preciosa!" How precious, or beautiful, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing in his face. What?


In my opinion, in a city, there's a bit more pressure. The people in the campo (countryside) seem to have a more relaxed atmosphere to get started in. In reality, my projects will take time, too, but I have to deal with the constant questions, especially because I am a follow up volunteer and they are already familiar with the Peace Corps. One problem I've faced is that people have this misconception that I am bringing money into the community because the other volunteer wrote a grant for the building. I will have to repeat myself many times, and even then, people remain skeptical. I've gotten used to repeating myself already, but that gets frustrating.


It's also cold here. I feel very underdressed in my nonexistent winter wardrobe. I thought hippie wear would be accepted here, which is fine for the hot summer, but...I apparently forgot to pack super tight jeans and my bedazzled shirts. That's how the girls dress here, super cute, tight, and sparkly. I tried to find a coat but so far I've had no luck. My arms are impossibly long compared to the Paraguayans and their coats are super short, too. If there are tall girls here, they all have very thin frames and most women are short and stocky. They don't have an in between for an awkward American body, unfortunately.


Also, I got lucky and found a place where I have my own casita. I'm still on the property of a family and I eat lunch with them, but I have my own space and already bought a toaster oven with oven burners to serve me for the next two years. The previous volunteer, Alyssa, is leaving me her fridge. Que suerte! Sometimes I wonder if I should've lived in a crowded house with a family to integrate a bit more, but I'm grateful to have my space, too. It's actually really nice...I even have my own washing machine here. I know, I know. My clothes dry out back next to the mandarin and banana trees. The yard here is absolutely beautiful and I can step outside of my door and pick grapefruit at my leisure. Most streets are cobblestone, some nicer than others, but my town has paved streets, too.


My family is fantastic here, too. I live with a man who is much respected in the community, his wife, their daughter, and their three year old granddaughter who still refuses to speak to me. They have four kids that live and work in Spain, and because of that, they are actually quite well off. They even have a microwave and an electric kettle! The granddaughter's mother also lives in Spain. Menchi, my twenty-three year old little sister, is studying to be a pharmacist and works in the pharmacy they own. She's great and has been helping me with Guarani, the native language most older people prefer to speak. They are always very entertained and impressed when I speak a few words in Guarani.


As for my Spanish, it's always improving. I'll have conversations for hours and only afterwards I think, "Wow that was all in Spanish." I tend to think in spanglish, sometimes it's crazy. However, I do tend to make my own words from time to time. That's also amusing, but there's so much vocabulary! I'm a pro at texting in Spanish.


Right now it's actually very cold outside, but I don't want to close my window because all I have are wooden shutters and security bars. If I close the wooden shutters, I'll have no sunlight and I enjoy watching everyone pass. I am so Paraguayan, ha.

Last week we had the building’s inauguration and Alyssa introduced me to the community. I stepped up the mic and greeted everyone in Guarani, and carried on with the introduction in Spanish, but everyone seemed so shocked that I spoke a word of Guarani. That reaction leaves me really wanting to learn more, to at least basically converse, so hopefully I’ll find a tutor soon. I will update more often now because I really do want to include everyone in this incredible experience, the ups and downs, and the support from home has always helped me tremendously. Thank you for all the encouragement. Your love and support helps me so much with this journey.


There are tough days, but I'm so happy to be here. I am falling in love with Paraguay.