Today I had the freaking cutest little girl in my lap. I went to the plaza to buy a new chip for my cell phone so I could be able to afford all my text messages with my community since the majority are with a different phone company, and a little girl was staring at me with wide eyes and she said something in Guarani to her father. He turned to me and said, "She wants you to always stay here." I couldn't help but grab her and put her in my lap and when I asked her what her name was in Spanish, she answered that she was three years old. I asked again in Guarani and she told me her name. She took on to calling me Talia and kept insisting that I had gum in my purse. I was there for less than half an hour but felt so sad to leave that little girl.
Today was a sunny day, and although it wasn't that cool during that day, everyone was bundled up. Paraguayans are worse than Texans when it comes to the cold, I love how everyone seems overly dressed with layers on a cool day, but the majority also drive motos and have to face the breeze.
There's also another thing that everyone does here that may seem strange, but I've taken on the habit, as well. Everyone always has their windows and doors open during the day, no matter the weather. If I have my shutters closed, my house is so dark, so I'd rather have them open and be dressed in layers than be in my dark house. Everyone sits outside and is very community oriented, hence the nature of gossip. However, I'm a huge fan of people watching, so I'm all for sitting in front of my house or staring out the window. I don't have a functioning tv or internet right now...so it's my form of entertainment, at times.
I also love going to the soccer field and watching everyone practice, and yes, I bought my very own soccer ball. The day after I made the big purchase, I rounded up the neighborhood and a huge group of us went to the field and played with an American football left by the previous volunteer and the kids kicked around the soccer ball (which I want to refer to as futbol) before the practice with the older kids started. Earlier that week I had gone to visit the family I had previously stayed with and was sitting outside with two of the kids doing nothing and decided we needed to play some kind of game. We went on a hunt for some kind of bat and ball. At first we were playing with a pipe and lemons we kept picking from a nearby tree. It was the greatest thing ever. I imagined that it was equivalent to a Paraguayan version of playing baseball in the street back in the day in New York City. I cut up my feet on the uneven cobble stone streets trying to catch the lemon, and then I busted the lemon with the pipe as a car drove by. Pulp went everywhere and the aroma of citrus was in the air. Afterwards, Milner, the nine year old I was playing with, successfully found a real bat and then crafted a ball out of his soccer socks. Milner, his 19 year old sister, Paola, and I took off for the field and took turns pitching and batting to one another. This was all very entertaining to the onlookers that were there playing futbol.
I love that family. One day I went to go visit them and I didn't leave until 6 hours later. A lot of my visits are like that...every time I tried to say goodbye, they would bring me something else. "Here, Naty, we're cooking, stay." Meat was brought to me, then beer, how could I leave?
The other day I went to a festival of San Juan. The tradition is to climb up the long pole and get whatever is tied to the top. I was very entertained watching the different methods of trying to reach the top. One person was standing on the chair at the bottom, another was on his shoulders and he was holding up a large reed trying to poke at the prizes on top while holding on the pole. Finally, a little boy with a rope was able to climb his way to the top while holding on, and knocked down the bottle of liquor, and next two bags of candy. I can't remember what else was up there...I want to say meat, which sounds crazy, but ikatu. Puede ser. Maybe.
Today I had two girls come over who will hopefully help me with my English class! I can only have ten to fifteen in the class, so now I need to figure how to advertise for this...the problem is, 50 people will act interested, and then the numbers dwindle every week. I may just base it on first come first serve and see what happens. I have a lot of young adults who are interested in advanced classes, but I'm only focusing on basics right now because that's what I have material for, and it's not really my goal...I'm helping several people on the side with advanced English. Today my friend came over and we dissected Queen lyrics. I was trying to explain the difference of wanting to break free, and wanting to be free. Ha. It was lovely. I did the motions and explained that breaking free just seems a little more dramatic as if you are really caged in, and then she realized the song was about a relationship.
My kitten was missing for almost two weeks, and each time I approached someone, they seemed so puzzled why I was looking for a cat. "There are plenty of cats on the street, we'll find you a really pretty one." I explained that I just wanted my cat. People thought I was crazy. Did I bring her from the states? Was she pure bred? No, I explained, she was from the street in my training site and she was going to hit by a car. Regardless, I decided to make flyers and post them in a few places, and guess what? My neighbor called while I was in Asuncion and I got my kitten back to everybody's surprise. They day she went missing was awful. I came back after being away in the countryside for a meeting with other volunteers in my region, and I started looking frantically outside. A few minutes later I noticed other people looking outside, too. Apparently she had been in the neighbor's yard who had recently passed away, so everyone that was there for the burial was now helping me. I felt awful, but everyone was happy to help. I apologized for disturbing them and continued going to every single house nearby. It's kind of like she went away to summer camp because now she is a lot more affectionate and calmer. Apparently a little boy had taken her home that day. I never did get that story straight and I still owe my neighbors thank you brownies. Yes, I just wrote an entire paragraph about my cat.
There is so much more to say but I wrote this a few days ago...today I really miss everyone a lot.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Paraguay, Paraguay. My 24/7 catwalk, you know.
I felt like I always wanted to write when I traveled before, and there was always time…but it was a completely different class of journey. Lately, I haven’t had a lot of self reflection time. I live here, I’m in one place, I’m allowed to buy more clothes or items and I don’t have to worry about lugging them around in a huge back pack! That’s something new…I threw out my previous ideas of only surviving with a few shirts because I don’t live in the campo (country). I live in a city and I would probably be shunned if I only had three shirts. These people are all about style. Have I mentioned the style before? It’s just like the 80’s…tight jeans, sparkly everything, and anything but simple. I’ve decided I’m going to introduce the paint splatter look to Paraguay and see if it takes off.
I miraculously found shoes that fit! My feet are bigger than the men’s feet which shouldn’t surprise me, I guess. I also found jeans and a coat! These were huge accomplishments. All the coats here are worn like belly shirts and if you happen to be tall and not built with an impossibly small frame, it’s quite an achievement to find a coat. I forced myself to go into the busy market in Asuncion and deal with the bombarding vendors…it was worth it. The market is crazy, but you can find everything there and it’s all super cheap. I’m fortunate enough to live in a town with a market, as well, but Asuncion has everything for a lower price. It’s a bit reminiscent of New York city’s china town, minus the creepy basements.
I’ve neglected to paint a picture for you all. I feel awful about this. Why haven’t I documented my thoughts and images as I’ve experienced or seen them? They were so overwhelming at first, but as I adjusted, I became more accustomed…and now what was so astounding at first is what I may see on the daily. I’m not saying these things are less charming, but some things I’ve almost forgotten how foreign or strange they would be if I had a visitor from the states. I don’t live in the campo, so I have a lot more luxuries. For example, I have a huge super market in my town and I can even buy mozzarella! I’ve made vegetarian pizza twice, and yes, I did take pictures. I’m one of those people…but the food looked so pretty. You must understand what a delicacy this was. The first time it was exciting and depressing at the same time because I wanted to share the meal with someone, but there was nobody. This has been the tough part. The culture. Ay. I have mostly guy friends, but if one came over for dinner? Right now, that‘s not a good idea…it’s going to happen at some point, but I feel like my host mom already thinks I’m horrible for having guy friends. She’s a bit older. My female friends all have families, so I’d have to make a huge dinner and bring it to their house. I will do that in the future, but I’m afraid everyone would freak out at the large quantity of vegetables I cook with. The four food groups here consist of: salt, red meat, lots of fat, and cheese. And more salt. And carbohydrates. That’s more than four, but you get what I’m saying…Grease broth is a specialty.
I made brownies and gave them all away so I wouldn’t eat the entire pan myself, and everyone was so impressed. “You know how to make cake?!” I explained it was from a box, but regardless, everyone still thought it was such a talent. I think people have some misconception that we all have servants in the states. The first time I swept my room in my training site, everyone almost died.
Right now I still don’t have “work” besides trying to build community contacts. I do feel a bit crazy, but I know everything will come together just like it did in Americorps. I have faith in that. Everyone (other volunteers who have been here for a while) tells me not to compare myself or my projects with others because everyone’s sites are completely different, along with their projects. This is true. It’s just hard when I already have people in my sector with busy schedules and I still don’t have anything…but it will come in time. Paso a paso…
There are a lot of good people here that take care of me. For example, the other day my friend (another volunteer) came and stayed the night with me and we were walking to the terminal. I decided to walk with her just because as rubias (blondes), it can be quite rough. As we were walking a car pulled over and shouted, “Natalia!” It was a friend of my sister’s boyfriend and he gave us a ride to the terminal. Que suerte! The night before we had gone to a huge festival my town celebrates annually, and I was waiting outside of the dance for my friend. There were so many people and the minute I’m left alone, a million creepsters approach me…I’ve learned how to be really rude to try to get my point across for men to leave me alone, but I saw a familiar face, a really nice boy I met at a few of the outdoor music shows I’d been to. I told him I was tired and wanted something to eat, and immediately he got me a chair and we waited by his friend’s bbq pit for some meat that was grilling. I could go on with stories like this.
My three year old Paraguayan niece didn’t utter a word to me for an entire month. It drove me crazy. Kids usually love me and this cute little girl ignored me until I decided one day to approach her again. I started counting out loud incorrectly, and then we became best friends. She wants to follow me every where and yesterday she buried me under a mountain of stuffed animals, and then she would point to everything and ask me how to say it in English. I had shown her flash cards with shapes on them a few days before, and I cannot tell you how proud I was when I heard her say, “Circle!!!” I was cooking in my house and she was on the floor with the stack of cards and proudly held up the right card to me. It reminded me of when I was in Spain and three year old Pablo would sit in his stubborn five year old brother’s class, and in the cutest voice he proclaimed, “BLUE!” Oh, those are the sweetest moments.
Yesterday, Heidy (my three year old Paraguay niece) was standing on her chair at the dinner table and singing about an elephant while doing wild hand motions and I thought, “How lucky! I hope she never changes…” Children are so beautiful and inhibition free, but I feel like it’s something that’s been robbed of kids here. I feel like the dictatorship really scarred a lot of people and have even stifled the youth to a degree…I don’t expect to change the world, but if I can reach any of the kids or show them that other opportunities exist, that they have the power to do what they dream, I’ll be happy. I don’t think that’s impossible.
I met a Canadian here who is from German descent and lives on a German colony and he told me, “I don’t want to offend you, but don’t expect to change anything…”
That really got me. He had no idea how much that irked me. If we all thought things were impossible, that dreams are only meant to be dreams, what kind of life is that? I don’t expect to change a culture or society, I’m not here to impose my beliefs on anyone, but I do have a dream that I can empower the people…even if it’s one person. I’m not going to let cynicism bring me down. I know I will get worn down and frustrated, but how long did it take for women to get rights in the US? What if they thought there was never a reason to fight or continue? What if we were all submissive and accepted all realities as something inevitable? To each his own. I think it all starts with a seed.
I will be brave and I will try my best. That’s what I can do. I won’t bury my dreams.
I explained to table full of people that I wasn’t here to teach English, that it wasn’t my goal, but it is a part of my culture and I will share that skill, but I was primarily here to serve the people. Dinners can be rough. It was my sister’s boyfriend’s birthday, but everyone was focused on me. He gave me the better chair and everyone wanted to talk to me about the Peace Corps. I understand the curiosity, but I always feel bad when all the attention is on me, and the pressure is pretty rough at times. I just want to eat without everyone being obsessed with if I have eaten that type of food before…it feels like everyone’s personal goal is to get me to eat more red meat but I’m determined to not sacrifice my entire health to appease others. In a culture where everyone is obsessed with talking about one’s weight, how do they expect me to conform in every way? My perspective is that I value diversity, and if a foreigner ate differently, I would respect that. However, nobody was raised amongst diversity here, so it’s not quite viewed in the same way.
Everyone seems to be astounded by my Spanish. I still don’t understand that because I obviously lack a lot, but I explained that I started learning when I was fourteen. I told the story of falling in love with a Selena CD of my dad’s and how I poured over the lyrics. I became obsessed with Spanish when I finally had the opportunity to take a class. I told a group of girls this at my friend’s wedding party, and later my friend shouted to me, “Natalia, this song is for you!” I thought I would really have to focus on the lyrics and then the song started…Como la flor by Selena!!! I was so happy and I danced with all the other ladies and sang along with all the words. Everyone laughed and said, “Natalia, you really know how to have fun!” That was a good night.
The people always describe me here as open and fun, and they endlessly tease me because of this. We’ve got a good rapport. I would say they mostly love when I try to speak Guarani, eat meat, drink and dance. I’ve often been mistaken for Brazilian or German, and when I explain that I’m from the states, everyone acts as though I’m royalty. This is sometimes very frustrating. I once shouted, “ My nationality and my appearance are not worth anything!” I know it’s seen as a novelty, and it’s odd to be on the other side, but I just want people to see me for me sometimes.
My Spanish is always improving, I’m thankful for that, but still, I feel so stifled at times! I want to shout, I want to say exactly what I mean, I want to be understood and be able to dance on the streets without a huge negative connotation. I think I just have to deal with the judgment.
I miraculously found shoes that fit! My feet are bigger than the men’s feet which shouldn’t surprise me, I guess. I also found jeans and a coat! These were huge accomplishments. All the coats here are worn like belly shirts and if you happen to be tall and not built with an impossibly small frame, it’s quite an achievement to find a coat. I forced myself to go into the busy market in Asuncion and deal with the bombarding vendors…it was worth it. The market is crazy, but you can find everything there and it’s all super cheap. I’m fortunate enough to live in a town with a market, as well, but Asuncion has everything for a lower price. It’s a bit reminiscent of New York city’s china town, minus the creepy basements.
I’ve neglected to paint a picture for you all. I feel awful about this. Why haven’t I documented my thoughts and images as I’ve experienced or seen them? They were so overwhelming at first, but as I adjusted, I became more accustomed…and now what was so astounding at first is what I may see on the daily. I’m not saying these things are less charming, but some things I’ve almost forgotten how foreign or strange they would be if I had a visitor from the states. I don’t live in the campo, so I have a lot more luxuries. For example, I have a huge super market in my town and I can even buy mozzarella! I’ve made vegetarian pizza twice, and yes, I did take pictures. I’m one of those people…but the food looked so pretty. You must understand what a delicacy this was. The first time it was exciting and depressing at the same time because I wanted to share the meal with someone, but there was nobody. This has been the tough part. The culture. Ay. I have mostly guy friends, but if one came over for dinner? Right now, that‘s not a good idea…it’s going to happen at some point, but I feel like my host mom already thinks I’m horrible for having guy friends. She’s a bit older. My female friends all have families, so I’d have to make a huge dinner and bring it to their house. I will do that in the future, but I’m afraid everyone would freak out at the large quantity of vegetables I cook with. The four food groups here consist of: salt, red meat, lots of fat, and cheese. And more salt. And carbohydrates. That’s more than four, but you get what I’m saying…Grease broth is a specialty.
I made brownies and gave them all away so I wouldn’t eat the entire pan myself, and everyone was so impressed. “You know how to make cake?!” I explained it was from a box, but regardless, everyone still thought it was such a talent. I think people have some misconception that we all have servants in the states. The first time I swept my room in my training site, everyone almost died.
Right now I still don’t have “work” besides trying to build community contacts. I do feel a bit crazy, but I know everything will come together just like it did in Americorps. I have faith in that. Everyone (other volunteers who have been here for a while) tells me not to compare myself or my projects with others because everyone’s sites are completely different, along with their projects. This is true. It’s just hard when I already have people in my sector with busy schedules and I still don’t have anything…but it will come in time. Paso a paso…
There are a lot of good people here that take care of me. For example, the other day my friend (another volunteer) came and stayed the night with me and we were walking to the terminal. I decided to walk with her just because as rubias (blondes), it can be quite rough. As we were walking a car pulled over and shouted, “Natalia!” It was a friend of my sister’s boyfriend and he gave us a ride to the terminal. Que suerte! The night before we had gone to a huge festival my town celebrates annually, and I was waiting outside of the dance for my friend. There were so many people and the minute I’m left alone, a million creepsters approach me…I’ve learned how to be really rude to try to get my point across for men to leave me alone, but I saw a familiar face, a really nice boy I met at a few of the outdoor music shows I’d been to. I told him I was tired and wanted something to eat, and immediately he got me a chair and we waited by his friend’s bbq pit for some meat that was grilling. I could go on with stories like this.
My three year old Paraguayan niece didn’t utter a word to me for an entire month. It drove me crazy. Kids usually love me and this cute little girl ignored me until I decided one day to approach her again. I started counting out loud incorrectly, and then we became best friends. She wants to follow me every where and yesterday she buried me under a mountain of stuffed animals, and then she would point to everything and ask me how to say it in English. I had shown her flash cards with shapes on them a few days before, and I cannot tell you how proud I was when I heard her say, “Circle!!!” I was cooking in my house and she was on the floor with the stack of cards and proudly held up the right card to me. It reminded me of when I was in Spain and three year old Pablo would sit in his stubborn five year old brother’s class, and in the cutest voice he proclaimed, “BLUE!” Oh, those are the sweetest moments.
Yesterday, Heidy (my three year old Paraguay niece) was standing on her chair at the dinner table and singing about an elephant while doing wild hand motions and I thought, “How lucky! I hope she never changes…” Children are so beautiful and inhibition free, but I feel like it’s something that’s been robbed of kids here. I feel like the dictatorship really scarred a lot of people and have even stifled the youth to a degree…I don’t expect to change the world, but if I can reach any of the kids or show them that other opportunities exist, that they have the power to do what they dream, I’ll be happy. I don’t think that’s impossible.
I met a Canadian here who is from German descent and lives on a German colony and he told me, “I don’t want to offend you, but don’t expect to change anything…”
That really got me. He had no idea how much that irked me. If we all thought things were impossible, that dreams are only meant to be dreams, what kind of life is that? I don’t expect to change a culture or society, I’m not here to impose my beliefs on anyone, but I do have a dream that I can empower the people…even if it’s one person. I’m not going to let cynicism bring me down. I know I will get worn down and frustrated, but how long did it take for women to get rights in the US? What if they thought there was never a reason to fight or continue? What if we were all submissive and accepted all realities as something inevitable? To each his own. I think it all starts with a seed.
I will be brave and I will try my best. That’s what I can do. I won’t bury my dreams.
I explained to table full of people that I wasn’t here to teach English, that it wasn’t my goal, but it is a part of my culture and I will share that skill, but I was primarily here to serve the people. Dinners can be rough. It was my sister’s boyfriend’s birthday, but everyone was focused on me. He gave me the better chair and everyone wanted to talk to me about the Peace Corps. I understand the curiosity, but I always feel bad when all the attention is on me, and the pressure is pretty rough at times. I just want to eat without everyone being obsessed with if I have eaten that type of food before…it feels like everyone’s personal goal is to get me to eat more red meat but I’m determined to not sacrifice my entire health to appease others. In a culture where everyone is obsessed with talking about one’s weight, how do they expect me to conform in every way? My perspective is that I value diversity, and if a foreigner ate differently, I would respect that. However, nobody was raised amongst diversity here, so it’s not quite viewed in the same way.
Everyone seems to be astounded by my Spanish. I still don’t understand that because I obviously lack a lot, but I explained that I started learning when I was fourteen. I told the story of falling in love with a Selena CD of my dad’s and how I poured over the lyrics. I became obsessed with Spanish when I finally had the opportunity to take a class. I told a group of girls this at my friend’s wedding party, and later my friend shouted to me, “Natalia, this song is for you!” I thought I would really have to focus on the lyrics and then the song started…Como la flor by Selena!!! I was so happy and I danced with all the other ladies and sang along with all the words. Everyone laughed and said, “Natalia, you really know how to have fun!” That was a good night.
The people always describe me here as open and fun, and they endlessly tease me because of this. We’ve got a good rapport. I would say they mostly love when I try to speak Guarani, eat meat, drink and dance. I’ve often been mistaken for Brazilian or German, and when I explain that I’m from the states, everyone acts as though I’m royalty. This is sometimes very frustrating. I once shouted, “ My nationality and my appearance are not worth anything!” I know it’s seen as a novelty, and it’s odd to be on the other side, but I just want people to see me for me sometimes.
My Spanish is always improving, I’m thankful for that, but still, I feel so stifled at times! I want to shout, I want to say exactly what I mean, I want to be understood and be able to dance on the streets without a huge negative connotation. I think I just have to deal with the judgment.
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